After a few weeks of having sprained my ankle with a minor fracture, I felt my ability to be active in this world as I knew it, to be affected and the fear has come to teach me how to deal with this every day and to accept and to keep accepting it as days go by.
There were days that I felt really tiny, alone and others very grateful to see gestures from people I knew less or nothing at all and that helped me tremendously when I couldn't do much or go anywhere There were others that despite being afar helped with their love and kept me inspired to continue to see a day at the time and still be able to smile.
The one person that could be there always watching over me all the time ... was me and my consciousness.
Absorbing and observing every moment, feeling all sorts of emotions and processing them. Yes! - those are the inner talk that goes and helps us grow internally.
And yet the time went.... in recent days I have felt my self-pointing fingers again, meaning that a tiny amount of anger was residing inside because I couldn't understand why people saw me in the house walking in crutches and not able to eat properly or rest properly because I need to cook and do laundry and other things
I was experiencing anger because I didn't want to ask for help as I thought it would be a gesture that I would offer to others and that they would/could see immediately my struggle.
Superficially, I was angry at others but deep down I was angry about me and this whole new experience. In these moments I ponder, I surrender, sometimes I cry if I feel that I need to, and even be in silence to allow time to heal and to trust the Source Divine.
Out of nowhere, I got help, I said nothing and simply got someone to help with the dishes.
The other day I got a client to help me send an return trip from uber to the hospital and I cried to feeling grateful and the despair at the same time I was feeling because I would love to pay back and just can't for the time being.
And today, after yesterday's first physio session here I am contemplating life, allowing to breathe a bit more as I start to give my first steps with the two feet.
Feels good to be using my full body again. It will be good again I am sure! Despite all the fear experienced I am not alone!
I can't pretend I am well, my spirit will always be, yet the body in the present mode..., oh.
"Today I cry" - the body says.
My heart is compassionate to what it truly took all these years of not seeing the clear state of my own mind, heart and soul.
Despite being connected, of finding one of the many gifts we are all born with and practice in recent years, my body is finally speaking out what hurts so deep. It goes through stages.
I find it interesting and sometimes - like today - I feel sad.
Having endometriosis isn't easy and I am not in my period yet. However, you tend to cry because of the many years of not accepting ways you could have stood for yourself, you can have said your side of the story no matter if hurting or not. So I tried to control my destiny, my consequences; I did exactly the opposite of being my true nature - what we all end up doing in the end - CONTROLLED.
Thinking ahead creates misery, illnesses, and this residue in this body is definitely a result of the many choices I did without seeing with my full spirit.
I did not TRUST!
The sadness inside is to do with the feeling of how to be a certain way in order to be 'perfect' in my own eyes and others.
Controlling is an act of faith - a Belief system you generate over the years. Either taught by your own life, by family, society or altogether influenced in your own brain. And you go full power on that path. BLIND!
Years later, when your body really talks to you, you hit the floor several times, and you see different stories, different sides of you and others, perspectives and pains never dealt with because of lack of self Love. So many colors and yet no picture to be found - The CURE!
And you go through the motions of pain because they need to be heard! Yes, the pain talks! No Pain no GAIN!
I am not dying, just in a constant despair of the body to unfold what truly is its CURE and end of all suffering.
Between, therapies, friends, solace, meditation, yoga, pilates, helping others, breathing, herbs, supplements... you reach rock bottom in every single one of them. You have one way out: speak to your Highest Power - YOU!
Although my posts may seem a bit negative to you or on the whining side, make sure you read every single bit without judgment at your best.
It could have been you, your daughter, sister, mother, friend, wife etc...
What we do affects others. My job also cost me my present days, my relationship with me and others cost me the relationship of Self LOVE that I am finding it in a daily practice.
CONNECTION! - is KEY! Deep down inside I knew I would return HOME!
You gotta let go of what hurts you: the PAST, the Present Pains and the FUTURE expectations!
The if’s, the should’s, the have to’s, the I used to do/ be ’s and so many other belief systems - these are the process of letting go and live in the full Present NOW!
The conspiracies that most laughed and still do over the recurrent century and previous ones too, are now more clear and show that are all connected. It is surfacing the NWO people and/or aliens that allied together with a few purposes around the globe to set things on fire. By on fire, I don't literally mean on fire, even though we are under attack with fire and many other ways.
Yes, there is a war and a war of dark and light forces.
As I published yesterday Dark Entities from The Kryon Glossary - they do not exist as Darkness is the absence of Light. So Enlightenment is just the action of a being that awakens her soul to the next level of understanding whilst living the Human Experience.
By this, I am saying that there is a big group out there that has raised their Light and therefore Darkness (that is being pursued by Light) is being shown in many ways. So NWO is being exposed. I hope this is making sense to you as it does for me for a big while.
The big issue isn't a certain government as they are all allied thanks to the Rothschild family through the centuries - only little as 2-4 countries aren't under their umbrella. but because they have been exposing themselves too much with murder, mass murder and many other ways to distort information etc... they are now in the shadow of the Light because we are very close to them! Yes!
So learn, do research, think outside the box, think twice, process information, dare to question, dare again, don't take all for granted and lastly and most importantly is to achieve the connection with your soul, this way your intuition can grow to the point that you will know for sure what to do and who to trust for a better future, a more stable direction that we all need in the upcoming times.
Many die because that assigned themselves to serve the BIG PURPOSE - you - and each one of you only - can define through time what that purpose really is but needs to start with you.
Some aren't elevated and it takes a while until a soul matures, has nothing to do with ages in our linear time but with a maturity where the soul demands connection, speaks through the body with illnesses and diseases and traumas etc... Events happen for the consciousness to speak louder, it freaks out people's minds to the point they get crazy according to society and yet this is just a way that the soul has to reach.
The ones that are practising meditation, Satsang sessions, holistic healing the most various techniques, they are different levels as they are more than ever depending on how your soul is connected.
Remember to stay humble and trust your intuition. Ego doesn't have one, just the pointing the finger and insinuations at most. It is its weak point. So make sure you go deeper within and understand/connect!