I can't pretend I am well, my spirit will always be, yet the body in the present mode..., oh.
"Today I cry" - the body says.
My heart is compassionate to what it truly took all these years of not seeing the clear state of my own mind, heart and soul.
Despite being connected, of finding one of the many gifts we are all born with and practice in recent years, my body is finally speaking out what hurts so deep. It goes through stages.
I find it interesting and sometimes - like today - I feel sad.
Having endometriosis isn't easy and I am not in my period yet. However, you tend to cry because of the many years of not accepting ways you could have stood for yourself, you can have said your side of the story no matter if hurting or not. So I tried to control my destiny, my consequences; I did exactly the opposite of being my true nature - what we all end up doing in the end - CONTROLLED.
Thinking ahead creates misery, illnesses, and this residue in this body is definitely a result of the many choices I did without seeing with my full spirit.
I did not TRUST!
The sadness inside is to do with the feeling of how to be a certain way in order to be 'perfect' in my own eyes and others.
Controlling is an act of faith - a Belief system you generate over the years. Either taught by your own life, by family, society or altogether influenced in your own brain. And you go full power on that path. BLIND!
Years later, when your body really talks to you, you hit the floor several times, and you see different stories, different sides of you and others, perspectives and pains never dealt with because of lack of self Love. So many colors and yet no picture to be found - The CURE!
And you go through the motions of pain because they need to be heard! Yes, the pain talks! No Pain no GAIN!
I am not dying, just in a constant despair of the body to unfold what truly is its CURE and end of all suffering.
Between, therapies, friends, solace, meditation, yoga, pilates, helping others, breathing, herbs, supplements... you reach rock bottom in every single one of them. You have one way out: speak to your Highest Power - YOU!
Although my posts may seem a bit negative to you or on the whining side, make sure you read every single bit without judgment at your best.
It could have been you, your daughter, sister, mother, friend, wife etc...
What we do affects others. My job also cost me my present days, my relationship with me and others cost me the relationship of Self LOVE that I am finding it in a daily practice.
CONNECTION! - is KEY! Deep down inside I knew I would return HOME!
You gotta let go of what hurts you: the PAST, the Present Pains and the FUTURE expectations!
The if’s, the should’s, the have to’s, the I used to do/ be ’s and so many other belief systems - these are the process of letting go and live in the full Present NOW!
A Work in Progress and How we are damn BEAUTIFUL!
NAMASTE, dear one <3