Today [6th November 2018]
After a few weeks of having sprained my ankle with a minor fracture, I felt my ability to be active in this world as I knew it, to be affected and the fear has come to teach me how to deal with this every day and to accept and to keep accepting it as days go by.
There were days that I felt really tiny, alone and others very grateful to see gestures from people I knew less or nothing at all and that helped me tremendously when I couldn’t do much or go anywhere There were others that despite being afar helped with their love and kept me inspired to continue to see a day at the time and still be able to smile.
The one person that could be there always watching over me all the time … was me and my consciousness.
Whilst absorbing and observing every moment, feeling all sorts of emotions and processing them. Yes! – those are the inner talk that goes and helps us grow internally.
And yet the time went…. in recent days I have felt my self-pointing fingers again, meaning that a tiny amount of anger was residing inside because I couldn’t understand why people saw me in the house walking in crutches and not able to eat properly or rest properly because I need to cook and do laundry and other things
I was experiencing anger because I didn’t want to ask for help as I thought it would be a gesture that I would offer to others and that they would/could see immediately my struggle.
Superficially, I was angry at others but deep down I was angry about me and this whole new experience. In these moments I ponder, I surrender, sometimes I cry if I feel that I need to, and even be in silence to allow time to heal and to trust the Source Divine.
Today… Out of nowhere, I got help, I said nothing and simply got someone to help with the dishes.
The other day I got a client to help me send a return trip from uber to the hospital and I cried to feeling grateful and the despair at the same time I was feeling because I would love to pay back and just can’t for the time being.
And today, after yesterday’s first physio session here I am contemplating life, allowing me to breathe a bit more as I start to give my first steps with the two feet.
Feels good to be using my full body again. It will be good again I am sure! Despite all the fear experienced I am not alone!
And you are not alone too dear one!