Feeling depressed during lockdown

Staying home for more than 3 months, triggered many feelings. In my mind there is this constant rumbling of thoughts, feeling overwhelmed with too much computer work and house chores that belong to the loving family… – It’s a complete chatter inside, and now this – pure Bliss!

are we Feeling depressed and tense?what is happening to us?

This is the first time I entered Lagoas Park near home after the lockdown. And whilst I was walking towards it, I felt emotional. Because of my monthly cycle, which I was due. And because I haven’t gone out to walk on my own for a big while now.

Powerful and strong tree standing in the Lagoas Park

Here I am!

On my first steps into the grass, I see this strong tree. She invites you to sit down and touch her straight away. (I haven’t done the sitting just because she had lots of resin on her – ha!). However, I have been able to admire her strength, her poise and her energy.Oh so beautiful and peaceful!

Kneeling near this powerful tree, I let my emotions flow by looking at it at the same time I write this glimpse of me on paper.

This is an absolute joy being in the park and despite feeling these emotions flowing. I have been listening to beautiful and sing-along songs over this Spotify playlist whilst not wearing a mask and appreciating nature all around. – What a Freedom!

It is a gorgeous sunny afternoon! Thank you, Universe for another day here.

I dive deeper into these emotions. And only a few days away from my next online event #WombTalk with my dear friend and colleague Ana Paula Grifo, we are due to talk about emotions during our menstruation cycle. I am definitely feeling them inside – this inner cry.

observing nature, release of depressed feelings after this lockdown

As I observe and connect with my inner guidance – I ask what is it and what is coming out? How can I facilitate it? This is what comes out:

  • The pressure of being back to my home country and not earning money on the areas I love the most yet;
  • The collective pressure of having to wear masks, to follow rules, and to listen to the news;
  • Feeling the loneliness of being home, stuck with the internet when I dream of going to the beach, travel, serving others by sharing myself, my presence.
  • I cry because I feel my deepest wound showing to me when I move and walk around, I see the beautiful life I have been journeying.
  • What dreams do I keep inside and haven’t made come true? Is it really my Higher Self or my Earthly being, calling for those?
  • How can I help me heal inside of this wound of what I did?

Tears fall down my face and as I look around in this beautiful sunny afternoon in the park, I see nature and few people enjoying the park and the weather – life is so precious like this moment. The same is when it rains or is too cold and we feel best at home.

As the sun goes down I sense the feelings easing it up, having released deep wishes, visions. I am releasing them, simply releasing.

Letting go, mourning what never was, what I didn’t get to do, and what I did back in the times forging/understanding that I hurt this country, and now it’s time to chase that energy.

This me, the inner me that is, simply loves, is, and wishes others to explore this beauty inside.

I’m understanding/remembering that here it is easy to forget and get entangled by the current narrative of the patriarchy.

In these recent years, I have been more aware of this massive energy than I ever was back in the UK which has a lot of draconian energy too. Maybe I got used to it that here it feels far away very easily.

Now that I live this “back home” lifestyle, I engage with others very little at the same time I am apart/distant from those I have like-minded/heart.

By engaging I feel this energy not being my late wisdom being and more like my “wondering self”, just like I felt it when I moved to London.

Now it’s time to go, perhaps next time I explore a bit more of these little treasures of mine.

Till then,

Much Love, and – Remember we are here to search for solutions. Riva