What makes you write about your own personal and emotional issues? What is it? What is the purpose of so much suffering around relationships that makes us evolve as beings around this Planet?
I am a soul that came to Earth to heal her karma life and help the many to part take a bit on the same journey and I consider my Self as a Healer since very young. My language is not so ambiguous as many others are in different areas. The word mystical is not so unknown to many as I make an effort to explain it in different ways of putting it out.
I understand that not all of us see, think, feel or do the same way or at the same level so it is important for everybody to at least get the sense of the level of experience in the lesson shown. Yet, I am here at 35 years old. Thinking that I am too old for my time to come, with little hopes of my life because I have been bored for many years and know nothing about life itself when it comes to relationships.
For most of my post-adolescent world and emotional affection was due towards a guy that I truly fell in love with and never expected to turn so deep and intense. I honestly understand that majority of other relationships I have had were not entirely at the same level as this one was. This was too deep and hence I got hooked. And so much to learn until today.
Much drama and other sufferings like guilt patterns, feeling little worth of life and having little power in my Self I started to understand only this at a later stage of our knowing each other.
I am no longer ashamed of feeling and having suffered all these years out of Fear. That was all there was! But I Love my Self so much and no longer want to feel in pain either with my Self or within a relationship and hence my choice of being out of this relationship. It ain’t easy I have to say. Every minute that goes by seems eternal and you wonder when is going to come to a beautiful happy ending in a way. I see movies that bring up that feeling and I start to believe in it too. So my wish is to become alive again. I am believing I can be happy just in a different vibration.
I loved too much this being that is a very wonderful man! I have come to know almost everything from him but it seems that no matter how much we try we ain’t in the same frequency of Love or something alike. We truly love each other but can’t resume it to end it well due to our great evolution in this life and one isn’t seeing the energy of the other. So I am in a way releasing this tension and putting it to an end. Not that I ended the relationship but inside resides a decision that I spoke to him before we start our journey apart within the same house.
Today, I feel better, even though alone and with a broken heart but relieved somehow and please don’t blame as I am not seeking to be blamed, but to be understood. At any level of pain, you deserve to heal and be able to pass to another level of Greater Love! and I Love HIM! I cannot adore him more than the Love I truly see inside me!
(I paused here and to cry for a bit… but oh boy so much to write my Goodness!)
So no matter what you find about me and what I wrote in books this was an internal fight within my ego, to my mind, to this wonderful being that took a chance on me and I on him. Most around us called a drama queen event or similar, and that I should be away from him. I never stood away from him. But so much suffering I never confronted my Self and no matter how much I seek others to help this pain, I still needed to make a decision that I never took the balls to do it.
My heart cries for help but right now I seem more conscious than other times that I may have done the wrong choice for him but the right choice for me. And as I already said to him, I’ll say it here: it hurts the same. Either way, I choose it hurts. So I had to make a choice and I chose ME!
Wish you well my lovely one! I yearn to be happy the same way you do too! Let’s not blame but smile and appreciate all we have left: our complicity! I LOVE YOU!
(I completely understand that this may not entirely fall into what you believe of us being complices of each other but you will recognise that no others know each other at our level either and that is where I call it complicity!)
And no more of being childish again, I have come to this decision to heal my Self and understand the human body of the pains and gains on how to heal or put ourselves into a karma healing direction and that takes inner guidance and much inner LOVE towards it too. This is part of my work on Earth. The same is yours in Music!
Be just blessed! I am blessed! and so are you!
I am hugging you tight from above as here I can’t physically do it as you the strongest one. 🙂